“We use to be goofy and laugh,” the counselor hears for the 3,000th time in therapy.
Remember the days where you would crack silly jokes and would laugh in bed for hours, never wanting to separate from your lover and wishing you could quit all other obligations just to stay right there at that moment… in love.
Slowly the butterflies in your stomach ceased, as you were “told they would”, and real life sets in. You decided to move the relationship forward, got busy with married life, had children and added other new obligations into your world.
The spark that brings people together can sometimes begin to fade, others burn out completely and some couples struggle to bring it back.
What if getting the laughter back in your marriage doesn’t require a trip to the moon but just enough effort to bring the laughter and fun back to your love.
If you are like most people you can take life and yourself a little too seriously and that always stunts laughter. Laughter connects people and remains a critical healing component in relationships.
Recognizing that there are different types of couples in marriages and knowing your marriage is always helpful. So, which are you?
• The “so cute and perfect” happy couple: This couple is so amazing and will stand the test of time. They love to be around each other, they sit in bed and read side by side, they help each other with their projects, they jump at the opportunity to help the other and most of all they laugh any chance they see the opportunity.
• The “whatever “couple: This couple separates often. He does his thing, she does hers and they are totally fine with this. They meet up when they can and don’t push the other to do anything. They are perfect in public settings and when they interact they find the simplicity in their uncomplicated relationship. They laugh when laughter presents itself.
• The “I can’t stand to be in the same breathing space as you” couple: This is the couple either nearing the end of their marriage or really losing the ability to survive the beginning of the marriage. They are uncomfortable to be around. They rarely laugh together instead feeling annoyed by the other spouses voice. They either ignore each other like the plague or attack on demand. They stopped laughing with each other a while back and can’t find it again….
If you have just began your journey into creating the best marriage this New Year then let’s start by helping you create goofiness and laughter as your marital foundation. You want to be able to chuckle freely when the marriage you created goes crazy. Put on a big smile and hilariously laugh ’til it aches. With laughter your marriage will stay fun!
1. Find what your partner finds funny: Sarcasm, wit, slap stick, their funny bone. Make your interactions fun again. Text hilarious moments to your lover. It doesn’t have to be all about who’s bringing what home for dinner. Use memes to be funny. Create a joke of your own using picture applications.
2. Look for fun around you: Instead of bringing the night down by calling out who forgot to do what chore, think of ways to get that chore done with fun. Nagging doesn’t make anyone want to get to work but with a little humor the smelly trash could become an inside joke. The unfolded laundry could become a unique game for the two of you to share.
3. Laugh when you don’t feel like laughing: Those nights when you get home and feel exhausted it isn’t easy to laugh but remember fake it till you make it works. Don’t let life get in the way of a happy marriage. Laughing will get the happy chemicals flowing and before you know it you’ll be rolling around with your partner.
4. Poke sweet fun at each other: Sweet fun is the key. Tones change from cute to curt fast when the stress of bills and quality time lost takes its toll. Put on a smile first because your mood will follow. Then a little playful banter can go a long way in the world of marriage.
5. Go see a comedy or watch one on the flat screen together: This is a great way to create a good mood. If you don’t feel like you can pull yourself to be funny, let someone else do it. Watching comedy will create laughter on its own. Then you two can laugh together and build the memories.
6. Learn to laugh at yourself: This is very important. When poking fun we must remember to laugh at ourselves too. If you want to give, you must be able to take. If you spill your drink, don’t get upset, just laugh. If you forget your keys, don’t feel embarrassed, own it and giggle. We are all human and silly things will happen to us. Learn to use these moments as fuel for laughter.
7. Play simple pranks on your spouse: Pranks are just as fun today as they were when we were kids. Remember when you would hide from your friends to scare them. Why not now? Changing your partners Netflix name or playing hide the shoe when they forget to pick up after themselves are fun ways to create laughter.
8. Tickle, tease, and flirt: Being touched is a part of love and leads to laughter. Continue this by being playful. Kiss your husband/wife on the cheek for no reason, play with his/her hair, dress in his /her favorite clothing and have their favorite drink ready when they come home. Being flirty is fun. It creates a place to be open and ready for jokes at the same time.
“The human race has one really effective weapon and that is laughter” – Mark Twain
While you enjoy laughter in your marriage remember… Marriage is supposed to be funny!
Coming soon: Relationships in 2016 Part 3: When to say “Goodbye”.
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