Reinventing has gone too far now. Not only have we been suffering the consequences of cinema’s current lack of imagination and, therefore, been watching the storyline’s same over and over again; but now, we’ll have to learn to cope with the brilliant nonsense that is arriving to our cinemas. And though it’s difficult to place in the Top 3 of Worst Films Ever (because too much rubbish is yet to come), ‘Pride, Prejudice and Zombies’ should be appearing there.
The title says it all really, especially the last word: ‘zombies’. It’s not hard at all to imagine the plot: Jane Austen’s story plus some oddly rough details that involve those dead creatures that come back to life. However, it’s such a shame that the title couldn’t also include its stupidity. They could have made a little effort to make zombies a little more scary! Zombie faces are not only those that have skinless parts all covered with blood and scratches…they also need a scary look and a little bit of darkness. Even chickens would laugh at them, especially while performing the ritual of beheading them to save the country.
Well, what could be expected from a film that puts zombies in one of England’s most beloved classics? Of course, the ideas of elegance and manners had to be shattered, and that does not include to be still making reverences when our dearest protagonists are now ninja disciples. If Charlie’s Angels had existed in the nineteenth century, those would have been the Bennet sisters. Even if it’s all a noisy mess, it’s still spectacular to see how Lizzy and Jane perform those spectacular Kung Fu choreographies with their katana-style swords.
How could someone imagine that Lizzy Bennet would be so proud of her shoaling education? Most of all, that she would also be fighting Lady Catherine de Bourgh: ‘the most lethal warrior in all Britain’. Luckily, this filthy production combines well with the cast’s awful abilities. Despite her nice looks, Lily James does not deserve to play any Jane Austen character ever again. Her forced violent expression won’t get you to like Lizzy Bennet nor the proud ninja as she claims herself to be. And the same goes to Sam Rileyl: even though he’s much better than anyone in this film, he shouldn’t be wasting his time with this, because, as many English women know (and non-English women as well), Mr Darcy’s role is reserved for a few chosen ones only.
In short, ‘Pride, Prejudice and Zombies’ will make you die of boredom or disgust, but that’s for you to decide. It was an utter sin to make this film, but there’s only one thing that it’s even worse than this: acclaiming that the story was based on Seth Grahame-Smith’s story and Jane Austen’s original ‘Pride And Prejudice’. Please, take her name out of this rubbish. Now.